Saturday, September 27, 2014

Depression - Have you ever felt "LIFELESS"

Have you ever felt alone? I know I have. Have you ever felt like no matter what you've tried to better your life it doesn't work? I have. Have you ever felt like people only want to be around you to use you for their benefit because they think you're "easy" but it's just that you have a big heart and you want to do right by people? I have. Have you ever felt that every time you try to express your feelings to someone and release the pain, some kind of way they start to make you feel that their the same as everyone else who has hurt you? I have. Do you feel your life has no purpose most of the time because you still don't know what your "Gifts or talents" are and it seems as if everyone around you has figured theirs out? I have. Literally, I can go on and on because when you've been hurt over and over in your life the pain runs deeper than others would understand, only you know your pain. It's so easy for others to say "pull yourself up", "you have to stay strong" or "you have to turn your pain into power" and the list goes on. I know this from first hand experience, when you have gone through so much hurt and pain; it's not just that easy. O yeah, I see it all the time on  commercials or t.v. shows of someone giving their life story saying they had to "learn love themselves", "Pray", "believe in themselves", etc. But what happens when that is what you've tried over and over and it seems your situation gets no better or it feels as if it's gotten worse. This is the point in life where you feel like giving up because it seems no matter what you try, things are not working in your favor and you wonder why are so many bad things happening to me? It seems like the ones who you feel have done more wrong than you are having all the "Good" in their lives, even the ones who've hurt you. You see, I can go on and on about this for the rest of my life, "LITERALLY"! because I'm someone who has experienced "ALL" of these situations and "soooo" much more. I noticed that the circle of people I kept around me were hurt people to some type of degree like myself. Even my relationships, I always chose the hurt ones because I know what it  feels like and I have such a big heart. I felt if I could help them heal their pain, then maybe they'll see that I'm a good person and love me the way I've always wanted and help me ease my pain. It took me so many heartbreaks to learn that it's a true saying that sometimes "Hurt people, hurt people". I'm trying to help someone that's hurt heal their pain, when I'm a hurt person myself and at the end of the day, no matter how good you've been to that person, they turn around and hurt you like all the others. In despite of all you've done to love, be kind, sincere, honest, caring, a companion, counselor, listening ear, open arms, etc. the list goes on and on......... Now, here's another problem I've added on to my troubles the I definitely did "NOT" need. Like the saying goes "Experience is the best teacher", so true. I had to realize that I was being a "FOOL" to invest so much of my time with "FOOLS" who didn't deserve it. All that hard work I'd done for them and got they a** to kiss at the end. Just think if I would've just invested "ALL" of that effort in myself, how would my life be different now. Well, with that being said I just want to tell that "Special" someone who is going through a tough time, invest in YOURSELF 1st!!. Know that it "IS" always someone going through a rough situation, I'm still taking it one day at a time. Start learning more about yourself and what makes you happy even if there is no one but you around to do it.  From this day forth, take baby steps and do something positive and what makes you happy for YOURSELF! and if you're someone that's gone through the pain I've gone through, then, you should definitely believe in the saying "NO ONE IS GOING LOVE YOU or BE THERE FOR YOU, LIKE YOU".  I mean, look how you've already allowed someone to hurt you and you beat YOURSELF up over it all the time. It's easy for most of us to inflict pain on ourselves rather than taking that energy to find Peace, Love, and Joy within ourselves. Start now! and take your life back and start living, the second you waste on hurt and pain that someone has done to you is the second YOU take away from your own life. It's not going to be easy, but, what is? if it's EASY majority of the time it won't last long anyway.  I'm still a working progress with me trying to find my OWN way. The biggest FAILURES make the GREATEST accomplishments. But that's only when you never STOP trying even after so many FAILURES. Much LOVE to anyone who's hurt just know we're on this journey together and don't let your FAILURES be what defines you, let your FAILURES be what reminds you, if you aren't DEAD yet that means there's still hope to live. God Bless~ PSALM 37

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